The Sayings of Gregediah

These are words of Gregediah, son of Flatiah, son of Donttouchthatdiah.
Dwainadab, servant of Moland, summoned Gregediah to utter pithy sayings that were not in Proverbs.

Wisdom that never made it into Proverbs! Week One (Jan 10, 2010)

Give a man a fish, and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and maybe he’ll find a porpoise in life.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets mad, he will be a mile away and won’t have no shoes.

Practice makes perfect. Nobody is perfect. So don’t practice.

My son: You wanna look younger? Be born later.

My words didn’t make it into Proverbs.  But I keep tryin’. Here’s what I say:  If at first you don’t succeed, blame your parents.

Wisdom that never made it into Proverbs! Week Two (Jan 17, 2010)

Haste makes waste. My waist is already way big. So I’m not gonna haste.

The man who runs behind a car gets exhausted. The man who runs in front of a car  gets tired.

Don’t worry about me. My words didn’t make it into Proverbs, but I been selling ‘em to a fortune cookie factory over to Reston and to the e-co-nom-ic forecast office ‘crost the river.

You can’t tell which way the train went by lookin’ at the tracks.

That’s perfectly true, and perfectly useless.  The guys ‘crost the river liked it.

Give a man a fish, and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and his wife won’t see him all weekend.

The early bird gets the worm. So all you worms, sleep in!

Gabby and Gregediah: Twins separated at birth?

Wisdom that never made it into Proverbs! Week Three (Jan 24, 2010)

Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.

Even as a young’un, I was a deep thinker. My parents often said, “son, you were a mystic, a big mystic.”

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you blow your nose.

He who laughs last, is kinda slow.

Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, and then he’ll hafta pay $18 for a license, or a $250 fine, or 15 days in jail. And he still might not have a fish. Virginia is for lovers.

Lots of sayins aren’t in the Bible. “God helps them who help themselves.” Not in the Bible. “Cleanliness is next to godliness.” Momma wrote that one.

If all the people who went t’ sleep in church were laid end-to-end, they’da been a lot more comfortable.

Wisdom that never made it into Proverbs! Week Four (Jan 31, 2010)

Hoo ya!  It’s colder’n the shady side of an Eskimo’s ankle.

These are the words of Gregediah.  These sayin’s did not make it into the Bible. But I keep tryin’. I’m thinkin’ of branchin’ into poetry.  Here’s one I wrote down while waitin’ for the local public transportation.

The Metro is like a nose.
Sometimes it runs.
Sometimes it blows.

Wisdom is somethin’ you get about one minute after you need it.

Give a man a fish, and he’ll eat for a day.  Teach a man to fish, and he might shark his duties.  I don’t feel at all gill-ty about that.

By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

He who slings mud looses ground.

If your enemy offends you, give his kid a drum.

Mo t’come.  You been warn’t.